Slutty Book Reports: Radical Womanhood (4/7)

Have you ever been on a decent first date, which led to a terrible second date, and then received a phone call the next week from the dread suitor requesting a third?
That’s about how I feel towards this book right now.

Carolyn, author of Radical Womanhood and I have been casually seeing each other through 200 pages of her thoughts on what it means to be a woman, and I’m about ready to throw in the towel. She called to me again today from her dark little compartment in my messenger bag, and begged for me to give her a fourth chance. This time, she had an offer I couldn’t refuse: she wanted to talk about sex. Godly sex.

Now, when she said godly sex, I naively assumed she meant the divine kind where she tickles my blushing vagina with the silver stud in her tongue, while adeptly maneuvering a magic bullet over my clit.

As it turns out, I was wrong. Carolyn just wanted to talk to me about the Christian way to bugger your husband.

“A crucifix shaped dildo?” I asked keenly.

No, the kind where you do it regardless of whether you want to or not. In fact, especially when you don’t want to— but only with the man you’re married to. You see, it’s simple really.
You keep your legs crossed and your teeth gritted until you stand in front of a preacher and your father “transfers authority” over you to your strapping young jackanapes. Then, after that magical moment, you become his dirty little porno princess. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a dirty little porno princess, but, after zero experience, you suddenly have to start doing everything on a whim. It is how you honor your husband. You see, he has different needs than you. And even though sex is uncomfortable, painful and weird, it is your duty to perform as often as he solicits. He didn’t get that degree in Business Management for nothing! He’s supporting your lifestyle, and now it’s time to drop it like its hot.

If you don’t, well, there’s a high probability he’ll cheat on you. Men are very sexually driven (its how the Good Lord designed them, bless their hearts) and Satan often leads them astray this way. If he does go astray, you have to ask yourself how much blame you share for this indiscretion.

I stare at Carolyn as if she has suddenly sprouted three heads; a go-to pose on our little outings. I often freeze in this attitude for minutes on end; so much so that it has become a real fear that my face may never return to normal and I will perpetually resemble a Van Gogh painting.

“But Care-bear,” I say (we’re on familiar terms, these days) “wouldn’t this encourage sexual abuse on the part of the husband and sexual passivity on the part of the woman? How can that be healthy?”

Oh, no, you silly slut. Having  pell-mell coitus is a spiritual challenge and should be welcomed! When you do the dirty with your husband, you ar actually affirming his strengths and decreasing the negative thoughts which inevitably crop up in marriage.

I thought about my own past relationships. I once dated a man who was at a very unhappy place in his life. As a result, he developed a habit of regularly complaining about everything. The color of the new drapes, the waitress not putting enough ice in our drinks, the price of the birthday present he bought me. So, I thought to myself, I’ll just focus on his positives. He’s really irritating right now, but he’s a warhorse in bed. Maybe I’ll fuck the jolly back into him.
So for about a month, whenever he came home and started bitching and complaining about how loathesome his life was, I took my pants off and sat on his face. At first I thought it was working like a dream: he was delighted by the gesture and it successfully shut him up.
But then the plan hit a snag: he started complaining more. You see, when it comes to sex, men often repeat actions that are rewarded. If you give them poontang for bringing you flowers or a box of chocolates, they will repeat this behavior in hopes of gaining a similar result. So, Pavlov’s boyfriend became more and more negative, hoping for pity pussy.
I was exhausted. How hard could a relationship be?

I soon realized that a pussy is not a defibrillator, and if a man is determined that his life is D.O.A, it’s best to leave him be. Sex between two respectful, like-minded partners is a glorious thing indeed. I would encourage frequent nooky in such a relationship. However, Carolyn’s mentality of it being owed to the man can only guarantee one thing: a shift in the plate-tectonics of healthy intimacy.

Carolyn respecfully disagrees.

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7 responses to “Slutty Book Reports: Radical Womanhood (4/7)

  1. “If he does go astray, you have to ask yourself how much blame you share for this indiscretion.” This is ridiculous I had a long and quite heated discussion with a Christian woman who was advising Christian women to always be willing to have sex with your husband and if you turned him down you shouldn’t be surprised. It’s asinine, but that brainwashing starts quite early. This whole notion that men have no control over their sexuality is so problematic. In the end, she took the piece out of her post, but I’m not sure the fundementalist really get it.
    I’ve written some stuff on it as I went to Christian school my whole life and was raped. Check out my stuff on sex sometime. I’d love your thoughts. Very entertaining blog by the way.

    • I am so glad you found my blog, took the time to comment and have introduced me to yours as well. I’m sure I could learn a great deal! Thanks so much. The internet needs more people like you. Here’s to many more interactions between likeminded individuals!

  2. A few points to be made:

    1) I have a hard time believing the author actually thinks the wife should view sex as a duty or chore (quotations would be helpful). If she is then she is not only wrong in a relationship/health sense but also wrong in a Scriptural sense. I could be totally wrong, but I fear you may be missing some subtle points she may be making.

    I say this because I doubt very much she would agree with using sex to make the man say… more agreeable. That is 100% an unhealthy and unbiblical view of sexuality and a wife’s role.

    2) In a marriage, or any sort of covenant for the matter, what you own is not what was your before the compact was made. For example, in the covenant of the exchange of goods (aka buying) the buyer comes with money, the seller comes with a good or service After the covenant is made the buyer does not own the money any more, rather he owns the good or service to be done, and like-wise for the seller. While marriage is a special covenant, it has similar attributes to all others. The husband owns his body before marriage and after he owns the wife’s. Likewise the wife owns her body before the marriage and after she owns the husband’s.

    Because of this it is wrong for a husband to force himself on his wife, abuse her, guilt her, or do any destructive action toward his wife—he doesn’t own his body. It is not his body to be forced upon her; it is not his mouth to be abusive. They are own by her. Sometimes she wants it in a cold shower while she reads a book.

    3) The strength and power of womanhood in marriage does not come from her ability to persuade and thus “turn” the head, rather from the use of tools given by biology, training, and nurturing in a constructive and complimentary fashion to enhance the household and society. Or to Christian that up, a woman is empowered by the Holy Spirit to use her God-given abilities to show forth the love of Christ to all.

    4) I may have missed something but this statement:

    “But then the plan hit a snag: he started complaining more. You see, when it comes to sex, men often repeat actions that are rewarded. If you give them poontang for bringing you flowers or a box of chocolates, they will repeat this behavior in hopes of gaining a similar result. So, Pavlov’s boyfriend became more and more negative, hoping for pity pussy.”

    is extremely sexist. I’m not disagreeing with it. In fact, I think there is a lot of truth to it (especially if this is a directly observe phenomenon). But that is the rub. There are behavioral differences between males and females in general and therefore gender is a useful description of things and also useful in predicting and explaining certain behaviors. I for one do not think gender and sex are not very complicating things, but this may be because I know how to draw Venn Diagrams… who knows?

    • I’m confused by how you’re using the word “own”. Can you explain that a bit more? Is this own in the I just bought a hat and it’s mine sense or is it something more subtle I’m missing. Because, if I’m being completely honest, your explanation of owning is rather repulsive.

      It’s interesting that in point 3 you “Christian-up” the explanation. Clearly I’m coming from an atheist’s point of view, but that just seems like an unnecessary step. If it can all be explained by biology, nurturing, and training, then why bring religion into it? Ockham’s Razor and all that.

      I agree with you on point 1. I really hope the author doesn’t believe that.

      Point 4 I don’t really see as sexist. Beth was explaining an observable outcome of behavior in a tongue-in-cheek manner. This sort of behavior and reward system applies to both men and women. I agree with you that gender is useful in explaining and predicting certain behaviors; there is a bell curve of behavior for both the sexes. But there is an onus on both parties to discuss these issues in a conscious and respectful manner. The person who generalizes about a gender must realize that not everyone falls into that box and needs to act accordingly. Similarly, a person who is being fit with certain parameters (boundary conditions if you will) shouldn’t become to ruffled about being misplaced. After all, those conditions are typical of the majority of the population and odds are that the person would fit. I guess I’m just a little confused about the context of your last paragraph with the quote right before it. You agree with the statement but find it sexist yet you also think sex and gender isn’t a complicating factor but gender can be useful for behavior prediction and explanation. Am I missing something? (My apologies if I really am!)

  3. Why is the thought of owning repulsive? Is that not what you do in a contract? You exchange ownership of a good or service. If you exchange a service you put yourself in a place of servitude. Therefore, the wife is a servant of the husband and likewise the husband is a servant of the wife.

    Ockham’s razor has no bearing here because it does not test any presuppositions, rather it tests theories. Both statements say the same thing but under a different set of presuppositions. And besides, every explanation has “religion” behind it because there is a worldview behind it. If you have a worldview, then you have religion.

    • I think the concept of ownership has an objectifying quality, which in interpersonal relations, can seem demeaning. A man or woman is not a good or service. Your analogy is slightly (for lack of better word) cold.
      Rather, why not let marriage be about a union between two independent individuals who are actively choosing to be together every day? Day after day, year after year. Not because they are obligated to, but because of the love and bond they share.

  4. Of course it has an objectifying quality. Aren’t we all objects? How can you have a union without promises. How can you have promises without commitment? How can you have commitments without the idea that if that commitment is broken then there is punishment? How can you then have punishments without the idea of authority? How can you have the idea of authority without the idea of ownership?

    The fact is that it may be cold… but to quote Feynmann, “if you don’t like the way to universe works, tough!” It isn’t cold to me because it is the way interactions in all forms of society work. And I think it helps in challenging us to live up to a high standard of serving others. The fact that the condition of ownership cold has no bearing on whether it is true or not.

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