Francis I: same costume, different clown

Hey there seekers of uninhibited truth!

It’s been a month and a half hiatus for me, and I’ve missed you. Also, it was really encouraging to get comments/emails/tweets asking where I’ve been and when I was going to get crackalacking with some slutty blogness again. I had an enormous lifestyle change over the last 5 weeks or so, and it unfortunately required all of my attention.

I couldn’t think of a more appropriate time to make my grand re-entrance than the day another bigoted old white guy was elected Pope! I mean, seriously, I finally check my google news cache after a week, and its blowing up with articles about the newly minted pontiff.

It kind of amuses me how much ado is being made over an event that in actuality has about as much significance as a bat fart. 500 years ago, this could have made huge waves and meant the prosperity or adversity of entire nations and political climates. These days, the Pope is little more than a figurehead, much like Queen Elizabeth or Oprah. He represents a very conservative constituency of elderly white men who would like to believe what they say has sway with the world.


Screen Shot 2013-03-13 at 8.46.46 PM



What’s sad to me, as a former Catholic, is how the Church has this major opportunity to embrace  a little diversity, and possibly address issues that are pertinent to modern times rather than cling to their painfully antiquated notions of morality. I guess a part of me was clandestinely rooting for a black Pope, or a Pope who didn’t think God cared what women did with their uteruses. Or just a strong leader who wanted to take steps forward rather than stand and piss in the same spot as the last one.

In my naivete, I browsed the news sites only to find articles like the screen shot from above. He’s no better than the last one. The cardinals who convened to elect the new Pope just sat around for weeks and shot the shit, wagging their wrinkly old dicks at each other and trying to decide who was the goodiest good old boy of the group. I’m imagining a bigotry shaped cookie cutter mold of caucasian male. No different or more interesting than the last. Just the same old, same old.

How does the Catholic Church not understand why they have such a deficiency of priests, and such a rebellion from their flock as the result of the sex abuse scandals? As an organization, they are going extinct because they refuse to adapt and innovate. While they’re still selling snake oil, the more progressive Protestant denominations are at least able to attract the masses, and keep them entertained. The bells and smells aren’t enough for the majority of the younger generations of Catholics. At some point, they’re going to scratch their heads and ask why their Church refuses to let gay people or women serve as clergy, or wonder why condoms are so evil.

Just reading what the new Pope Francis I has to say about his plans for the papacy deeply saddens me. I wonder if he realizes how ridiculous it looks to wear that giant hat covered in gold when there are starving people in his country who will die this week never having had more than a few mouthfuls of food a day to call his or her own. I wonder if he’s ever known someone who died as a result of a dangerous pregnancy when an abortion in her early trimesters could have saved her. I wonder if he’s ever felt the pangs of poverty, or fallen in love with someone and wanted everyone to be able to feel that with someone else—regardless of their gender. I wonder if he really understands what it means to be human, let alone a leader of one of the largest denominations on earth.


10 responses to “Francis I: same costume, different clown

  1. I missed you too. Glad you’re back. Yes, the new pope is no better than the last one and in being such he is in fact actually worse. If you can’t improve on the previous, then you are worse.

    My dog is better than this pope and all that came before him.

  2. Welcome back! As a severely lapsed Catholic, I don’t mind the pomp anymore than I mind Auburn fans when they get a new head football coach.

    Modernization is a tricky and slippery slope; I compare it to my fraternity traditions back in college many of the bylaws, ceremonies, and oaths which I cannot speak about of course were at least a century outdated (not to mention violated much of the US Constitution) but they were what united us, they were our traditions and in time I learned to value to tradition in which tens of thousands of men practiced before me and that alone sustained the perpetuation of them to this day. I mean if we started letting anyone in our ranks we lose our uniqueness. I didn’t care if my “gang” wasn’t for everyone. It was for guys like me. Once we relented to allow every man, woman, cat, dog, and lemur we would lose the only thing that made us special and unique.

    So I empathize with any group that holds to their tradition because personally I don’t care to ever be a part of a group that doesn’t want me and respect their right to exist without ridicule. As a beige-American born in the South I technically qualify to join the Sons of Confederate Veterans but hey why ruin their parade? As for me, I would rather see my fraternity go under than to violate their time-honored rules to appeal to a greater population. Now whether the well-funded (wanted to use the word endowed) Apostolic Church feels the same is up to them but if they want to put on robes and blow smoke etc. etc. then Spaghetti Monster bless them, it is totally their right.

    • wow, that’s an incredibly well put argument. I agree, let them eat cake. They’re doing their fuddy duddy thing. But when it hurts the people who look up to them for answers (no condoms? But I have aids? Well….ok…wait…no stem cells either, even though they can help medical doctors and scientists cure previously fatal diseases? If you say so, oh ye with the shiny chapeau.)

      I get the brotherhood thing. I get the inclusive thing. And I respect that part. But not when they can tell some poor farmer that it’s God’s plan that famine wrecked his livelihood for the year and his family starved. At that point, it’s like fuck you.

  3. Hmmmm touche! I guess I never thought that anyone is ever “harmed” by their quaint little traditions. I mean if I’m starving or sick and “the church” says I should just pray of course I would retort “God helps those who help themselves” and go get cured and feed! But true perhaps some people are actually harmed by it.

    Not sure how to square that except maybe again when in the fraternity I was asked to do something so far against my personal beliefs or safety that I told them to go screw themselves they still let me in and respected my sense of self-preservation. Brotherhood is great but not committing a felony or being a quadriplegic is also pretty damn cool. I could say yes or no to whatever parts I choose or ultimately say “no” once my on personal interests surpassed going with the flow. I was not a slave I was a member; but point taken. If people submit completely to any authority they are in danger. But who is to blame for that?

    • “Who is to blame?” seems a rhetorical question that I wish for an answer to (to provide targets for my rage)

      I mean, its not really anyones fault that they were born to certain parents, in a particular region, with the religion respective to both of those. Can’t just blame the parents either, because more often than not, they were brought up in this world in much the same fashion. Even those who convert later in life, often they feel lost, broken, etc.. and the answers religion gives them gives them comfort. I can see how that works.

      They may even believe the tradition and ritual is good for their soul and character. Thus, they’re acting like servants who will receive compensation for their work, rather than slaves.

      But even considering all that. I’d still name names, still point the finger. It definitely doesn’t stop me from giving my middle finger to people who practice the absurd moralities entrenched in their dogma.

      In my mind: if some ‘thing’ is at odds with your moral assessment, then you should really reconsider your provision of support for those perpretating said ‘thing’ lest they continue on doing it anyway for years to come.

  4. Been wondering where you got to…. glad you’re back!

    About the same-old new pope, the jokes flying around Brazil today are at least hilarious.

  5. Pingback: Slut of the week: The “Faithiest” | The Atheist Slut·

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