Joel OSteen starts talking sense…..or not.

In the 5 minutes that I read the hoax articles about Megachurch millionnaire pastor Joel OSteen resigning his post and removing the faux mantle of Christianity, I liked him better than the 4 years I’ve been aware of his bloated existence.

A  message on a faux personal website read:

“Thank you for visiting. As many of you may know, and may have heard in the news recently, many of my sermons have deviated from traditional Christian doctrine. I have been accused of altering the ‘message’ to fit my own doctrine and dogma. Others have accused me of preaching ‘feel good Christianity’. I have also been accused of profiting greatly from my ministry, with my books and television deals.
Many of their criticisms are legitimate.
What they don’t know is that deep down in my heart, for a number of years now, I have been questioning the faith, Christianity and whether Jesus Christ is really my, or anyone’s, ‘savior’.
I believe now that the Bible is a fallible, flawed, highly inconsistent history book that has been altered hundreds of times. There is zero evidence the Bible is the holy word of God. In fact, there is zero evidence “God” even exists. I believe I am more like God than the God of the Bible, a fictional character.
No God worth believing in is going to send you to Hell for not believing in him. Not even the worst sinner and scum of the Earth deserves eternal torment in Hell. In fact, God is more likely to congratulate you upon entering Heaven for doubting, questioning and not believing the religionists and their flimsy facts, demands of blind faith and lack of hard evidence.
What we have to focus on now that I’ve left the faith are the immediate issues at hand that affect us in the real world. The destruction of our environment by multinational corporations, the poisoning of our food and water, the toxic fluoride they have been putting in our water for fifty years, the toxic GMO foods that the Monsanto corporation is responsible for, Obama’s many destructive policies and his administration’s attempt to dismantle the 2nd Amendment. These issues will be what I will begin to focus on, so long as the media does not completely shut me out.
Today, I informed my closest colleagues of my decision to leave the church. Our ministry will continue in a bare-bones fashion as we liquidate our assets and fulfill various financial obligations.
I want to thank my wife, our parishioners and our faithful followers, the City of Houston, Lakewood, the State of Texas and my close friends, Oprah Winfrey and Larry King, for all of our support over the years
We’re also having some trouble transferring ownership of some of our web sites, so as of now, I haven’t been able to update everything on all of them. I’m dealing with some church leaders who refuse to accept my resignation. They are refusing to change or alter any of our many web sites, and this is the only one I have control over.”

Furthermore, the sites alleges that Pastor Osteen also plans to donate a large percentage of his fortune to charities — specifically, around $17 million dollars — to the Salvation Army and the Organic Consumers Organization, a group dedicated to exposing the crimes of the Monsanto Corporation.

I thought for one fleeting second that there might have been a morsel of human decency behind those squinty eyes, blow up doll wife and massive hydraulic stage he preaches from. But alas. It was an elaborate and very well staged hoax. I should’ve known better. Dude is making so many millions of dollars a year off of his suckers  church followers, why should he retire now?

Even though he’d help way more than his 45,000 delusional sheep members at Lakewood Church if he donated his millions to the Salvation Army and fought Monsanto’s GMOs.

Why make a difference when you can make big moolah?


5 responses to “Joel OSteen starts talking sense…..or not.

  1. Donating to the salvation Army, I thought that was another crazy group of christians. Why not donate to Doctors without Borders for instance but then you say it is a hoax.

  2. That grinning idiot, Osteen, has a face i’d like to punch. Now, don’t get me wrong, i don’t have a violent bone in my body, but there’s just something about his face i want to alter

    • the ironic part of that bit (i completely identify with the sentiment!) is that messing his face up would only improve its appearance. He’s kinda creepy looking. Like a crustacean that crawled out from under a rock and blinks in the light.

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