Slut of the Week: Minnesota and Equally So, The Westboro Baptist Church

My blogger friend Scott over at Atheists on Fishing contributed my Slut of the Week this week. I’m so grateful for his willingness to write for Atheist Slut—he has been of great value for his many suggestions on my SotW. So, I thought, there’s no reason he shouldn’t take the helm on the subject now and then.

Some words to describe him would be brilliant, dashing, debonair, heroic and one of the finest sluts I’ve ever known.

Rumor also has it he has a 14 inch penis. I read it in a 2000 year old religious document, so it must be true.

I was recently asked by a religious conservative who decides what intolerance is.  Considering that she stood fast against same-sex marriage, I guessed, correctly so, that she had no idea that blocking rights for other human beings is less tolerant than, say, someone arguing against her outdated concept of morality.  I wanted to explain to her that religious people who claim intolerance because it’s no longer socially acceptable to discriminate against gays, are certainly not qualified to decide such things.  Some people are going to stand tall against the changing tides like they’re defending the Alamo.  Unlike the stand at the Alamo however, they have already lost the war.  Like the Alamo, the monument to their struggle can only be built in Texas.

On Tuesday, Minnesota Governor Mark Dayton signed into law a bill making Minnesota the 12th state to legalize gay marriage.  I’m having a hard time with the whole concept because I cannot decide whether to be happy for homosexuals or smug at conservatives.  Willing to admit my woeful immaturity is the first step, I guess.  I do feel sorry for the fundamentalists.  Anyone who suffers so greatly at something that has nothing to do with them, despite knowing that eternal paradise awaits them either way, surely lives in a sad and tiny world.  The pains endured by Evangelicals throughout the country are the precise equivalent to hearing an announcement on the radio that someone you will never meet has the same amount of candy as you; and you happen to be driving to Disney World, and you’re going to get in for free.

While I celebrate another win for freedom in America, and Minnesota finally catching up to fucking Iowa, I must take the time to give thanks those who made this all possible.  The people who are doing more for gay acceptance than anyone else.  A story isn’t worth telling without a villain.  And in this case, playing the part of the villain so beautifully, and more over the top than Jack Nicholson in Witches of Eastwick, we have the wonderful and selfless Fred Phelps.  So committed is he to pointing out the danger and idiocy of homophobia, that he recruited his entire family to pretend to be the worst case scenario.  By showing what such bigotry can lead to, he created enough sympathy for the gay community to expedite their liberation as he heroically endured constant abuse from the public.  Despite being the most hated man in the United States, he marches on valiantly until everyone is treated equally under the law.  So here’s to the greatest troll in American history.  Keep up the good work.

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8 responses to “Slut of the Week: Minnesota and Equally So, The Westboro Baptist Church

  1. It is indeed interesting when one thinks of it, why would a guy going all the way to heaven be so concerned with people he believes are paving their way to hell by being in same sex unions. In fact, I think they would be encouraging them unless they fear spaces in heaven are limited and they may lose their chance if they don’t do anything to stop same sex unions!

    • I wonder if god gets technical in heaven while reviewing the sins from everyone’s lives.
      “You put your genitalia in the butthole of another man. Then you moved it to and fro….hither, thither and yon…”
      And all the saints are writing this down, watching intently. Maybe some touching themselves.
      I’m getting hot just thinking about it.

  2. “The pains endured by Evangelicals throughout the country are the precise equivalent to hearing an announcement on the radio that someone you will never meet has the same amount of candy as you; and you happen to be driving to Disney World, and you’re going to get in for free.”

    One of the best analogies I’ve ever seen. Or is it more accurate to call it an illustration of privilege?

    For all the protestations of enlightened xtianity, they never seem to understand that every progressive movement in their religion has always been accompanied by massive kicking & screaming & ominous predictions of DOOM and/or the dying out of the Old Guard.

    • That’s such a good point. It’s amazing how they seem to forget these changes over time! Women wearing pants and cutting their hair? Yep, that used to be an abomination too. Sheesh. Enough with the selective amnesia!

      • STOP INFRINGING ON MY FREEDOM WITH YOUR SPEAKING WORDS WITHOUT ME BEING ABLE TO RAPE YOU AND STONE YOU FOR IT! And before you ask me if it will come in that order, STOP TRYING TO LIMIT MY FREEDOM BY DICTATING IN WHICH ORDER I MURDER AND RAPE YOU!

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