How To Tell If You’re A Slut

It all comes down to a simple equation:

1. You are sexually active

2. You refuse to settle

      3. There is more than one man (or woman) in your area of residence.

 Two or more of the above must apply before you can officially be considered a slut. Unless, of course, #1 applies to you and you are not married. Then, you are automatically a slut, and are a potential threat to married people to whom #1 applies. Remember, sluttiness is highly contagious.

Each of these, by themselves, does not make you a slut. In fact, they make even be considered positive qualities. But combine them, and you get a wicked, wicked recipe for rendezvous of the most nefarious sort.

Guard yourself against sluttiness by doing one or more of the following:

1. If you are not married, don’t have sex. Don’t even think about sex. And definitely do not touch yourself. Be vigilant in your resolve!

2. Stay with the first person you sleep with. If you are not married, this is the only loophole to avoid the indelible stigma of slut-hood. It doesn’t matter if you were a clueless teenager when you first had sex; if you have nothing in common with your partner, or even if you were raped. Once you’ve been tapped, you are used goods and can no longer afford to be fickle.

3. Avoid socializing with people who seem open-minded to overtly sexual behavior. It’s a slippery slope, so don’t allow yourself to be influenced by potential undercover sluts, looking to deceive you.

This has been a public service announcement.

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2 responses to “How To Tell If You’re A Slut

  1. This is very humorous! I hate that our society is so quick to call a woman slut if she has not been the “purest” she could possibly be. Actually, I hate that people feel the need to call anyone a slut at all.

    • I’m glad you enjoyed it. Some people left comments thinking it was in earnest rather than a tongue-in-cheek post. I hate when people use the word slut to demean. Nomatter how much sex you have or who you have it with, you’re still a person with value.

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